Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
