Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
