i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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