it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
