she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
