no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
