I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just found a bag of teeth...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
