new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
