Yo dont text me then not text me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish you could order shots online.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
