Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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