i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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