I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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