He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
