Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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