Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
