i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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