I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
