ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
