Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
