Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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