fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
