6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
