Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
