If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
