just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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