Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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