It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
