I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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