if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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