hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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