I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
