its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
