I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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