And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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