I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
