Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
