Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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