My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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