Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
