I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
