Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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