So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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