the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
