I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
