He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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