i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
