Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
