Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
