Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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