Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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