She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
