I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
