Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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